Dear Unattractice Girls with Misleading Photos,
I could not help but notice that you’ve changed your medium of meeting guys from Myspace to Facebook. How could I tell, you wonder? Because I’ve received several friend requests from females of your ilk as of recent.
Whenever I see that little “+1″ alert in the upper right hand corner of my Facebook page I dread that it is one of you. Clicking on that icon only to be bombarded by a name I don’t know and a close-up picture of an eyeball is not the way to my heart or loins.
What are you thinking about when you set up these misrepresentative images? Does this really seem like a good idea to you?
Tell me, Unattractive Girls with Misleading Photos, are you completely oblivious to the slew of tagged photos your friends have put up of you? Just because your default photo is a black and white artsy close-up of your new tongue ring doesn’t mean I can’t see all those other pictures of you drunk and slobbering you snaggle-toothed grin up on any male unfortunate enough to be near you.
I will give you kudos for your ability to take unreasonably complicated photos of yourself from strange angles while at such a close proximity that I imagine it must have taken hours of practice. And who can forget your unrivaled expertise in the field of Photoshop? Not I, Unattractive Girls with Misleading Photos. Certainly not I.
That picture you took from your Macbook and then swirled the background while making it look like a negative so I could hardly discern any identifying features of yours? That shit right there takes skill.
But alas, I’m afraid I’ve had enough of your games. Fool me once, shame on you. Continue requesting my friendship which I blindly accept because I hope that maybe, just maybe, this time the default picture of your butt in sweatpants will lead to something more appealing when ultimately I know deep down it will not, shame on me.
I understand your presence as a new internet demographic is unavoidable, but if you could have enough decency to ignore me on networking sites then we won’t have a problem. Until next time….
With Sincerest Regards,
Saint Charles
