Okay, this one is gonna piss a few people off. But just hear me out because odds are your reasoning for liking this despicable example of weak-assedness will be addressed in the following post.
You know how sometimes people love something or someone so much that the very idea of that object in question becomes repulsive? Well, that recently happened for me when I saw the trailer to the soon-to-be-revered-by-lame-white-people-flick 500 Days of Summer.
Here’s the trailer just so we’re all on the same page:
Yeah, the movie looks like shit, no kidding. But that’s not what leaves the biggest bite mark on my ass.
What’s the Weak-Ass Thing of the Week this time?
Zooey Deschanel. As if you even had to think about the answer to that one.
Oh, wow, she’s so cute and quirky. She’s got a sense of humor but can still be serious. She seems so accessible but at the same time she’s not ugly? What a combination!
A combination of bullshit, that is.
I am downright sick of Zooey Deschanel and all those traits listed above which make people adore her. Everyone thinks because she’s so quirky and emo that she’s automatically likeable and not at all mainstream or a sell-out.
Well, (and here’s where I’m gonna let you in on a little secret) kitchiness has become mainstream as of recent. Gasp! I know, I know. You’re shocked. When could this have possibly happened? It’s so unpopular that it’s cool to like, right? Incorrect.
As long as white people have existed, there have been pretentious white people. And pretentious white people take joy in liking things that other, normal people do not appreciate.
Did you see that part in the trailer where Zooey Deschanel was holding up her arm which had a cityscape drawn on it against an actual cityscape? That’s something that pretentious people find endearing because it’s so strange, off-kilter, and yet somehow endearing because it’s placed in a romantic setting.
Unfortunately for the world, this brand of unusual quirkiness, the innate strangeness of people being embraced by only a select few, has been embraced by a whole lot more than just those few. Now every damn person with an itch to be original falls into this lapse of kitch and bullshit that is embodied by Zooey Deschanel and indie movies and bands that YOU have never heard of (but you probably have) and etc., etc.
So, the next time you see Zooey Deschanel looking all moody and unique but somehow respectable and endearing, just remember: she’s in a f***ing cotton commercial.
Zooey Deschanel, you are the weak-ass thing of the week even if everyone else thinks you’re the embodiment of perfection.
Suck it, I like blondes this time of year anyways.
