Like most hilarious and raunchy teen comedies my weekend started off with a sexually motivated road trip. My friend (and guest blogger from the epic Drunken Thoughts, Pt. II) PJ had offered me a once in a lifetime HJ… if only I could find my way up to his school, the University of Pittsburgh, for a weekend.
Well, like most self-respecting heterosexual men I was not able to decline this offer. Having heard the rumors of the fabled Filipino Male HJ, I was in my car as soon as possible and on my way to my destiny… and HJ.
The drive was long and hard. I sweated, cursed, and cried my way the 4+ hours from Baltimore to Pittsburgh but eventually I made it around 8:00 on Friday evening.
Peter met me by the curb sans lotion and as I stepped out of my car I could tell by his smirk that he had merely been baiting me. After realizing that PJ would not be ‘bating me, it took a few hours to get over the disappointment however I prevailed and the weekend’s shenanigans began.
We started off by casually having a couple drinks in PJ’s apartment, then wandering around and pre-gaming with the neighbors. PJ and I went 3-0 in Beer Pong on his table, setting the mood for the rest of the weekend. After meeting some of Peter’s friends and visiting/drinking it was time to hit the town.
The first party we went to we only stayed for a few minutess before heading out to another which we figured would be better. Since the second party was crowded we grabbed some cups off the Beer Pong table before being harassed by the residents for not paying and being told to leave. Thankfully, we were able to get a nice souvenir from Party #2. Unfortunately, it didn’t remain intact for terribly long.
We rounded out the night with some quality drunk-food, pizza from Sorrento’s, and more drinking before passing out. Interestingly enough, the Sorrentos at Pitt is actually decent as compared to the one around Baltimore which is the equivalent of date-raping your taste buds.
The next day to keep things full throttle, Fate through me a curve ball in the form of my car breaking down. So, at 9:30 in the morning while still feeling the effects of the previous evening’s goings-ons, I had to call up Geico and get my car towed to the nearest Pep Boys to get fixed.
Lunch at the nicest Chipotle I’ve ever been in (the workers seemed to actually give a shit), followed by a trip to the mall completed the day. I picked up a fresh-ass Chargers hat which garnered me some funny looks from the Steelers fans and, of course, my lovely shutter shades and half-shutter shades.
Repping the Chargers Hat and Half-Shutters
Then we snagged my new and improved car and scooted back to campus.
After a shower and some delicious wings courtesy of Quaker Steak & Lube (yeah, it sounds like a bad 1800’s gay porn production company), it was Game Time.
My compatriot PJ had been planning a lovely beach party in his apartment. The guests arrived, Saint Charles full throttled out, the ladies looked lovely, and Peter and I still did not lose a single game of Beer Pong in his apartment. Scientifically speaking, the two of us were able to pick where the other lacked each and every time we faced a supposed hardship.
Yet, once again, even after all we’d been through PJ still would not grace me with the fabled Filipino Male HJ. Despite being denied this common courtesy, I will still able to sleep peacefully and make it back on the road by 11:30/11:45 the next morning.
If there was anything I learned from this experience, it’s that PJ is a bold-faced liar. He had told me the girls at Pitt were busted, yet compared to Baltimore they were fantastic. And, of course, he lied about the whole HJ thing. But, whatever, at least I didn’t pee or break anything important.
